The 2010 World Series was a very painful experience for me. One I will never forget. I had traveled to Tampa Bay, New York and then San Francisco all following the Texas Rangers magical playoff run. I even went to the second game in San Francisco which they not only lost but lost by a large margin. It was a very depressing night. The Texas Rangers were in an 0-2 hole to the San Francisco Giants in the 2010 World Series. We went on to win our first home game and then none other.
It was painful for me. Maybe more painful that your average super duper to the max die hard fan because during the 7th inning of game 5 after Edgar Renteria hit his go ahead 2 run home run over the center field wall my world started to collapse. I knew it was over, I was heart broken, devastated and crushed behind belief. At this exact moment, my girlfriend decided to pick a fight that had nothing to do with anything really. She was arguing that the fans weren’t as in to the game as they were the night before. What an irrelevant point at such a monumental moment I thought. Well, that irrelevant point ended up in an argument that ended that relationship.
For WEEKS I had dreams about the World Series. I was tormented beyond belief. I agonized daily and nightly over watch Cliff Lee or Josh Hamilton could have done different but after a few weeks the memory was gone a bit and I was back to normal. Although, the memory was so painful I could not watch a baseball game until May of 2011. I never sat through an entire game until July of 2011. Why? I had associated so much pain with baseball. The memory of the World Series was VIVID to me. Why? Pain = strong memory.
If you want to use this to your benefit then the key is to make the memories strong but not only strong…painful and you will recall them.
To further emphasize my point. This year (just a week ago as I type this), the Texas Rangers had made it back to the World Series. For me this wasn’t just about getting back tot he World Series. It was about redemption. It was about healing the pain of the last world Series loss. But you know what? The pain of the last loss was so deep I was still in agony. I had planned to go to St Louis to watch game 7 (if necessary) in the 2011 World Series but the pain was so strong I couldn’t. In my memory I kept replaying the events of 2010. It was such a force for me that I just sat and watched the tv with a few friends at a local bar.
I can barely bring myself to type this but the Texas Rangers this year (2011) were one strike away from winning the World Series….not once….but TWICE. Both times they missed it. It seems I am dreaming of this every night. I am replaying these innings in my head over and over. Why? Pain. What does pain do for your memory? It makes it stronger…..it makes it more powerful. I hate that I am having these tormenting dreams, I wish to be left alone, but the memories will stay strong as long as the pain stays strong.
It has been a week and I am not myself. The pain of watching the team I love lose for a 2nd consecutive year is crushing. I honestly am having trouble sleeping and took a few days off work this week. For you that may seem drastic for me it is just pain.
I recently made the comment that when I am 92 my grand kids will wheel me into the next Texas Ranger World Series (God forbid it takes that long) and they will say, ‘He has to see this. It is all he has been talking about for 60 years.’ Why? Pain. Pain cements ideas or events into your memory.
I can tell you ever aspect of Game 5 of the 2010 World Series and every aspect of Game 6 of the 2011 World Series. Why? Pain. I can’t tell you about the game I saw in mid June….heck I don’t even know who we played….why? No pain, no emotion.